In all-boy private schools like Haverford, vulnerability often carries a negative connotation. These institutions can have cultures in which expressing emotions and seeking support from others are signs of weakness, creating barriers between genuine, deep conversations. The pressure to be “masculine” is widespread.
Yet, Haverford pushes back against this idea through initiatives such as peer counseling.
“I didn’t expect to see something like this at a private institution like Haverford. It opened my eyes to the power of peer counseling.”
Semaj Lee ’25
Sixth Former Semaj Lee made his first trip to peer counseling at the end of his Third Form, during the last meeting before the class of 2022 departed for college.
It was an eye-opening experience.
“I saw these seniors, the tough guys, crying,” Lee said. “I saw them struggle with their conflicted feelings about leaving the people they had spent their time at Haverford with.”
It was a source of surprise, and it left an impression on him.
“I didn’t expect to see something like this at a private institution like Haverford. It opened my eyes to the power of peer counseling,” Lee said.
Lee attended peer counseling meetings from time to time during his Fourth Form year, and he dedicated himself to the program during his Fifth Form year. This year he became a leader of the program. Still, the importance and power of peer counseling did not truly click with him until this past September.
“One Monday, I came home from football practice, and my parents were sitting on the couch,” Lee said. “They told me my little cousin Nathaniel passed away after being hit by a car.”
Nathaniel, also known as “Little Nat,” lived in Virginia.
“I didn’t see him often, but my times with him were memorable. We’d play together with the family during cookouts, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other family time,” Lee said. “It hurt bad when my parents told me. Little Nat was a bit of a troublemaker, but I loved him. All I could think of was his smile, that little smirk he had.”
The burden of Little Nat’s passing weighed Lee down.
The next day, the peer counseling leaders held a meeting with school counselor Ms. Janet Heed and psychologist Dr. Michael C. Reichert before the first official meeting on Wednesday.
“This meeting less than 24 hours after my parents told me the news. It was still fresh in my mind, and I was swarmed with my emotions,” Lee said. “I broke down.”
Lee was then assigned to a one-on-one session with Dr. Reichert during the first peer counseling meeting of the year. The next day, he was called to the front of the room, feeling anxious. Dr. Reichert helped Lee calm his nerves.
“He asked other students at the meeting to say what they thought about me,” Lee said. “People had good things to say, even the people who I didn’t really know. It calmed me down.”
Then Dr. Reichert asked, “Is there anything you want to talk about?”
Lee started crying.
“However, I knew I was in a room of open arms, surrounded by people who genuinely cared for me,” Lee said.
Lee realized that vulnerability and openness foster more genuine relationships.
He began telling the story of Little Nat’s passing.
“Dr. Reichert gave me a place to organize my thoughts and find peace. A place to work out my emotions. Peer counseling gave me a platform to fight through it,” Lee said. “When I was telling the story, all I could see was Little Nat’s smirk. I remembered a game of hide-and-seek I played with him and some of my other cousins. When Little Nat found me and my cousin hiding in the closet, we ran away laughing.”
When Lee finished, he wiped his tears and realized he had changed. He felt more open and gained a deeper appreciation for vulnerability.
“I felt like I could open myself up more often. With my friends, my girlfriend, my parents, my teachers—everyone,” Lee said. “Vulnerability builds respect, and respect builds confidence. It’s not something to be looked down upon, it’s something powerful.”
Lee realized that vulnerability and openness foster more genuine relationships.
“When you open up and give others the real and only the real, it allows others to do the same. It deepens the relationship,” Lee said. “I show my full playing deck. I don’t hide cards. I always show my truest self.”
Peer counseling runs best when all of the students there buy into it, rather than using it as a way to get out of class.
“When everybody there visibly shows they care about you and give you the attention you deserve, it makes the world of a difference,” Lee said. “If the student doing his one-on-one session with Dr. Reichert sees that you don’t care, it discourages them. They need to know that you’re there for them.”
His experiences have extended onto the football field as well.
“A lot of my teammates also go to peer counseling —Sixth Formers Nick Krakovitz, Josh Williams, Thomas Barr, and more,” Lee said. “Peer counseling has helped me talk about real meaningful stuff with them. It’s deepened my love for them, and it shows on the field.”
He’s learned that leaders don’t play the “tough guy” role. They show love. They help others and are helped in return.
Barr suffered an ankle injury during a scrimmage just a week before the season began. Having gone through the same injury the previous year, Lee knew it was difficult for him, so he made sure to support Barr every step of the way.
“I told him that I was here for him,” Lee said.
Lee also supported Krakovitz, who was struggling with his hamstring.
“I saw he was visibly frustrated not being able to play his best. When he made a big play, though, I’d run down to celebrate. I’d sprint 60 yards down the field to celebrate him. I’d be exhausted, but I did it anyway,” Lee said.
While Lee was dealing with an injury, others returned the deed. His teammates supported him and helped rebuild his confidence.
“It was one of the most impactful experiences of my life,” Lee said.
Peer counseling has helped Lee and his teammates form deeper understandings of each other.
“I know what they’re thinking, even when they’re just staring at the grass,” Lee said. “It’s done more than I could’ve ever expected.”
While teaching at Kumon, a tutoring service for kids aged 3-16, he’s found that his newfound vulnerability and openness have helped him be a better teacher.
“I noticed that talking to and building a more genuine relationship with the kid helps their confidence. Many of them have confidence issues, and being open to them helps them immensely as a student and a kid.”
Lee calls peer counseling one of Haverford’s “golden opportunities.”
“If you buy into it and do what you’re supposed to,” Lee said. “You’ll get more than you ever expected out of it.”