For most of my life, I have sought definite answers. I valued facts over theory, logic over thought, and explanations over the unknown. Over the last few years, however, my thought process has changed.
I come from a religious family. We practice the ancient Indian religion of Hinduism, one of the oldest religions in the world. Despite that, I have spent most of my life not believing in God. I was truly an atheist and believed in science to explain the creation of life.
During every prayer or religious ceremony when I was younger, I always felt out of place. I did not understand the language they were speaking or the stories they were telling. Through my eyes, I was wasting my time.
In contrast, I am currently a devout believer in Hinduism. I believe that God will guide me in the correct direction and that I should always follow the will of God.
So, when did my worldview change?
In October 2021, my grandmother passed away from a stroke. She was 88 and had lived a great life until the very end. My parents and I traveled to Pleasanton, California for the funeral and to say our final goodbyes. I had never been to a funeral before, and I asked my parents what it would be like.
They told me how a Hindu funeral works. They explained that we all wear white clothing, we all say prayers and mantras for the deceased, and then we cremate them with various belongings we wish for them to have in their next life.
Although I loved my grandmother deeply and had so many good memories with her, I was a little annoyed that we traveled for an entire week to conduct what was simply a religious practice. I saw it as a waste of time, especially because I was just starting my second month at Haverford. I was enjoying it there and did not want to leave.
The funeral was sad but beautiful, which is how it should be. We said our goodbyes, and then I went to my cousins’ house while my parents stayed behind to cremate the body. When we got to the house, we lit a candle next to the picture of my grandmother and then played her favorite board game, Ludo.
The candle stayed calm for the next hour, and we continued to have fun. Eventually, my parents called and said that the cremation was about to begin. On video, we saw the coffin enter the furnace. I turned my head and caught a glimpse of the candle. It rocked back and forth violently, a drastic contrast to its behavior before.
This was the first time when I began to think about God being real. Science could not explain the candle’s change when considering that the cremation started at that exact moment. It was the first time that I had a genuine thought that questioned my atheist beliefs, and it ultimately started my journey towards embracing Hinduism.
About a year and a half later, I had my Thread Ceremony. Called a Poite in Bengali, it is the rite of passage for boys of the Brahmin caste.
I was initially dreading it. I would have to spend three days in a room, eating very strictly and having little entertainment. In addition, I would have to go through two full days of prayers, many of which I would have to memorize fully beforehand. Perhaps most importantly, I would have to shave my head completely.
However, I went into the ceremony with a more open mind. I decided to embrace the words and prayers the priest repeated. It was one of the first times that I felt a real connection to the religion. Many of the words were put into English for me, which allowed me to see what I was participating in.
During my three-day retreat, I spent a lot of time reading the Bhagavad Gita, also called the Song of God. While reading, I saw a line. It said, “Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is. You are what you think you are. Your thoughts make and define you.”
I was always someone who believed that little was impossible in terms of my potential feats and accolades. This was the first time I heard these beliefs put into words, and I realized that I completely misunderstood what Hinduism was about. However, it still was not enough for me to consider myself completely religious.
On the last day, I was getting ready to leave the room I had spent the last three days in. I was relieved, tired, and excited all at the same time. The last thing I wanted was to relive those past few days of complete solitude.
However, there was a brief moment when that happened. I was alone again. At that time, I read a line from the book that truly changed my life. It made me realize why Atheism was not for me.
“Perform every action with your heart fixed on the Supreme Lord.”
I deeply resonated with the fact that we as humans have a deeper purpose than to live and reproduce, as science suggests.
The book offered a different perspective that made me content with my life and the world around me in a way that my previous Atheist beliefs never did. Even though the principles outlined could never be proved, I was able to easily understand them.
When I came back, I made a promise to myself to embrace Hinduism and all of its wonders. Now, when I attend religious ceremonies, I always make sure to be present in the moment, even if I do not understand the language.
For anyone reading this, I have two takeaways.
The first is to explore both your beliefs and the opposing side of your beliefs. I was completely confident in Atheism for most of my life, but as soon as I explored the other side, I realized that Atheism was not for me.
The other is to be engaged in everything you do, even if you do not like it. If I had been truly engaged in prayers when I was younger, maybe Hinduism would have made sense sooner. It is important to keep an open and engaged mind at all times, even when it does not seem necessary.
